Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Wonder Why Wednesday - Cannibalism For Fun And Profit

So I had this *awesome* post for you guys today.

But the idea came at 3AM, and I didn't write it down, and now I can't remember.


Just as well, it probably involved squirrels or something, dreams are funny like that.

I *have* decided though that rather than offer a less-than-amusing post, (because really if it's not funny...) I'm going to temporarily morph Wonder Why Wednesday into WTF Wednesday. A bit cliche now, I know, but it's more amusing than listening to me go on about how people don't use their heads enough, etc.

As befits the launch of any new theme...

I found a doozy for you.

That baby is so clearly saying WTF it didn't really even require this caption

I looked it up, because of course I did.

You can listen for yourself here, but in case you're afraid (I myself chickened out), here are the lyrics to the titular title track:

I always thought that cows looked prettier in a field
Than on my plate at supper being served up as the meal.
And though I do like hamburger, fried chicken or a steak,
I prefer my chickens cackling to fried, cooked or baked.
I stopped eating animals and I'm glad I finally did;
But I get my protein 'cause I eat kids.

It used to be a problem just eating rice and beans
And I think you probably know exactly what I mean.
And I never really knew if I was eating all I should
But I don't have that problem know and it feels pretty good
I stopped eating animals and I'm glad I finally did;
But I get my protein 'cause I eat kids.

So its goodbye veal marsala, goodbye leg of lamb,
Hello Michael, Sarah, Mark and Pam.
I won't eat chicken and I won't eat a cow;
I don't eat animals, I eat children now.
I stopped eating animals and I'm glad I finally did;
But I get my protein 'cause I eat kids

Is it a plea for vegetarianism? Because if so, he missed the mark.

I did look at a few of his other songs, and though several sound kind of cute ("A Brontosaurus With Bronchitis" and "One Big Happy Family"), there are some titles that make me *really* glad The Kid didn't discover this album as a small child, due to the psychiatric trauma, uncomfortable conversations and Child Services house-calls that would surely have ensued.

I didn't actually read the lyrics to all of these, I'll leave that to you, but sometimes you really can judge a book by its cover...

Or the insane by their song titles.

A Bee Will Sting You
A morality tale, or an early indoctrination into apiphobia?

Don't Leave Me In The House Alone
Guilting working parents is an artform.

Don't Wake Up The Baby Or The Baby Will Get You
Uh, Rosemary? We should talk.

Have A Little Smoke?
It's the scourge of today's youth - smoking, pushy babies.

I Lost My Pants
It happens.

I Used To Have A Sister
Sorcery AND cannibalism. Nicely played, young sir!

Leroy Is A Late Bloomer
I think I met Leroy once.

My Mother Ran Away Today
Be good... OR ELSE.

Oh No, I Like My Sister
Thankfully, not what I thought, but can you blame me?


Dandy said...

I am literally crying because I was laughing so hard. Your comments on the titles are hilarious. Perhaps you should write your own songs!

Elle Bee said...

Okay, gross kid eating song! I love your comment "it happens" on I Lost my Pants. HA!