Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Now Playing: Pity Party!

If my life were a series of movies, the top-grossing, star-studded adventure this week would be...

Week One: The Reckoning

Now I realize, I brought this on myself. Me and my need for pieces paper saying I has the smarts.

And you know I'm exaggerating.

As predicted, after the first week (was that really just one week?) I am feeling much more calm about the whole thing. Work is going along well so far, I got a compliment from my writing teacher (I'm a leader in the Discussions-capital-D... a LEADER dammit!), and it's been fun chatting back and forth with my fellow attendees. Some of them are very young, some are inexperienced but earnest, some are old farts like I am. The point is they're all really participating, and though this makes for a f!!!load of emails (pardon the swear - Lily Allen is running around in my brain today) to check every day, it also makes me feel better because I'm not alone, and I know it. If I really needed math help, I could ask for it.

I'm just too stubborn.

Another cinematic offering?

A Tale Of Parental Worry Gone Awry

So this Derby thing is stressing me out, and in turn The Kid. I really try to be hands-off, I DO, but it's so hard to watch the coaches keep having to pull her aside. I don't care if she's tops, I really don't, I just want her to keep up! I think she thought this would be an easy sport and honestly, so did I... not easy as in "it won't make you sweat or work hard" but easy as in "learn it, do it, play it". And she is having such a hard time learning these last few things for the skills test, which she has to pass or she can't be on the team.

She is trying, I know that (and told her so - also that I'm proud of her because I sure as hell couldn't do what she does). I just really hate seeing her be left out. She's so good when they're in-game, but the skills test is keeping her back.

I know on the surface it must seem like "Chill, girl, it's only a game!", but it's like watching her fall behind, watching her have such a hard time and be left behind, brings back all the helpless feelings of "how can I help her" that I felt when she was struggling in school. I couldn't afford tutors then, and I can't afford better skates/more time now. It makes me feel like a failure as a parent somehow, which yes I know is WAY overdramatic... but I have a feeling some of you parents know what I mean.

I've been dropping her off at practice, then picking her up afterward, because I'm stressing her out and we both know it, but then I get the stink eye from the coaches, and I missed her getting to be lead jammer - and scoring! - twice now... this of course makes me mad because her coaches are telling her she's not doing things right... so then how did she make lead jammer twice then?! Is she good at this or isn't she?

I can't even have her practice more, at least not reasonably. Do I consign more of my limited time to driving her down to the nearest skate rink, which is 25 miles away? I guess I'll have to, I mean how else can she practice? But she'll be practicing alone because everyone else lives down in Denver and goes to Littleton. I'm not driving to Littleton, I'm sorry... that's 46 miles away.

But of course, having said that, I got her into it, so doesn't that mean I'd better commit to doing whatever is necessary?


It's supposed to be fun, but it's devolving. What do I do? How can I help her without being overbearing?

Should I help her, or should I leave her be? I tried asking her coaches what they suggested, and their only answer was "she needs to skate more".

I am carrying all this guilt... I was the one who suggested this whole thing, and got her all excited. What happens if she can't pass the skills test? What happens if she never gets to do more than go to practice and watch all the other girls get to be part of the team?

What if she fails at this?

Sometimes I think I am not cut out to be a parent.


Ruth Covington said...

I hear you! Heather has been to the clinic at UW several times since classes started ONE WEEK AGO with major anxiety attacks. It would be so easy for me to say, "OK, honey, come home and live with me forever and you won't have to deal with college anxiety ever again." Yeah. Right. That will help the situation, eh?

As for what to do about the skating practice. Maybe The Kid can get together with one of the teachers and see about organizing a "skate" club at school. They could meet after school x many days a week and just practice skating. Is there a rink that would work with them on this?

If she doesn't pass muster with the roller girls thing, as sad as it is, she will learn that not everybody gets what they want when they want it. Hard life lesson, but necessary.

And that my dear is what parenting is all about. Teaching our kiddos to deal with the ups AND downs of life and accepting it and not expecting everything to go their way. The "entitled" generation are scaring me just a bit... They will one day be the ones in charge and they will have NO skills on how to deal with any sort of challenge.

You my dear are doing a fine job of parenting. NEVER ever sell yourself short on that count!

Just sayin'

curegirl0421 said...

Thanks Ruth, I hear ya...thanks for the pep talk!

I wish they could do a skate club, it's a great idea, but there's no rink closer than Westminster. It's not impossible, just really really hard to work into our already packed schedule. (Her practice is down by the Denver Coliseum.)

Ruth Covington said...

How 'bout one of the skate parks? There are several in town I know. Maybe she could have one or two of the club members come to Longmont for a skate practice now and again at one of them?

You could always turn your back yard into a rink. Who needs grass to mow anyway? ;)