I Blame Television

When Allie Brosh posts I just want to bask in her awesomeness, re-reading her posts and giggling madly all the while feeling a disturbing similarity between us like some kind of obsessed stalker.

Today she posted about how her expectations of herself often don't match up with her actual abilities.

I blame the media! But then I often do.

The perfectly executed easy grace we see on TV and in the movies rarely illustrates real life - it is, after all, a series of scenes written by people who wish those scenes to be so - but even knowing that doesn't keep us from hoping that will be how our attempts at greatness turn out.

Dancing, singing in public, heck even losing weight are presented to us as simple tasks any fool can perform!

I'm aware of this to the point where it's almost a handicap... I don't try many new things, or even suggest ideas, because I'm fairly convinced I will look like a dork, over-extend myself to point of deep failure, fall on my ass, and quite possibly offend others.

I can picture myself mambo-ing flawlessly to my favorite Bob Schneider song at a show, but in reality I know I'd just look silly, so I'll probably be standing off the side, or worse... chair dancing.

Me too, Allie. Me too.

I can absolutely see myself getting up on stage at Kick-Ass Karaoke night, belting out some Sheryl Crow, garnering applause and adoration from the audience, but I know that I would probably forget half the lyrics, sound like a dork, and end up slinking back to my table, hoping nobody remembers it EVER.

These are natural fears of inadequacy, of course, and nothing of which I'm ashamed, though I do wish I could practice what I preach and stop thinking everyone's judging me, because it would cause me less anxiety in social situations.

The problem comes when there's *so* much anxiety about not being able to accomplish a task you've set out to do that you start second-guessing things you absolutely know you will be able to pull off with ease.

Like, say...

College?

I mean, it's math and writing. I do both daily. What's to fear?

ANYWAY.

So last night I got almost all the way done with the blue robe, and totally finished the copper experimental garment, which The Kid declared "very space-cowboy" so that's a win in my book.

As long as nobody looks too closely at the seams.

The blue robe is really coming along! I thought I could finish last night but the collar took some doing. It was totally worth it because it looks completely fantastic and professional! I had to give in and go to bed after I started the sleeves, though. I hate doing sleeves! It's just so impossible to get them just right, because there's supposed to be ease and there are curves and so on and so forth... it just takes ages.

And you have to do it TWICE! This is exactly why I fear sock-knitting. I think if I ever manage to take that up I'm going to have to just jump straight into the two-at-a-time circular needle method because otherwise I'm going to have a lot of really expensive, time-consuming cat toy fodder as a result.

Thankfully the Simplicity people seem to know that after all that folding and hemming and lining and arranging, you're going to want to end on easy notes, so the arm and side seams are left for last, as well as the bottom hem. These are basically just long straight bits of stitching, no utching required, and you end up on a very positive note instead of "OMG that was horrible I never want to do this again".

I look forward to doing this with the fur, and the sheepskin too, because although it will take longer, the mistakes will be nearly invisible. I'm vain, I know, but I want the reaction to be "Wow, she MADE that?! You are so lucky to have a ladyfriend of such talent and hotness. I seethe with jealousy at your obviously charmed life." and not "Oh... wow... uh, I know a good store where you can buy something that won't look like a horde of armed monkeys was let loose in a fabric store, but you are so brave and loyal to wear that anyway... at least she's cute and has big boobs!".

It's not that much to ask, is it? :)

Happy Thursday!