Crazy Lazy Hazy Days of Christmas

Sorry I've been slacking... Christmas, guys. It's insanity.

So this year I made approximately 16 dozen cookies. TR's Favorite Oatmeal, shortbread press cookies, plus chocolate chip for The Kid's grampa (special request). Oh then there was Reindeer Food, aka Puppy Chow, aka Reindeer Poop which everyone misheard the first one as/thought was funnier than "food."

I made a lot of goodies. They were my gifts this year, which was kind of cheap but it was that kind of year - and nobody objected.

I did manage to make some Kraft Krazy happen, though, including my new favorite thing - the 2 Hour Cowl. It's a simple one, just a 7-8 rows of double crochet, pick your yarn and go. I can finish one in a day between two bus rides, and I seriously considered creating an Etsy shop around them (I'm still thinking of it actually). I also finished a very cute dragon, plus a pair of mittens I started last year (color work is not my strong suit).

The rest, though, was either cookies or store-bought. I kept saying "oh next year will be better," but you know what? This year was pretty awesome. Despite the lack of several loved ones TR, The Kid, and I all wished were there, we had a great Christmas. I made my egg souffle (though it was a pain this year), we ate all the things, we all loved our gifts (I was extremely spoiled - a fancy haircut, a coat, and a MOTHERF***IN KITCHENAID MIXER Y'ALL), we watched The Hobbit which I saw almost all of (why do I fall asleep at the movies??), and had delicious Chinese food for dinner. Nobody argued, there was no family strife... it was lovely.

I would like to draw your attention to my all-caps excitement up there, though.

This was in a big red-and-white-striped box under our tree (well, near it - we have a tiny tree) since Thanksgiving, mocking me with its mysteries.

This was courtesy of The Kid and her Colorado grandparents. There was a lot of speculation as to the contents of The Box, including rocks, clay tablets, and a full size bust of either Lionel Richie or Sam the Eagle.

Hello, Sam.

I decided I would really love a bust of Sam the Eagle, and so the mixer has been named. It needs a decal or something, but not yet - it's still new and shiny.

In fact it's still in the box.

I'm going to take it out this weekend and make pizza dough. GLORY UNTO THE MIXER.

I hope your holiday was lovely and quiet, whatever holiday it was. Now on to 2013! The Mayan Apocalypse didn't get us, but I can just feel the world's triskaidekaphobics rallying their troops.

Snow

We had our first snow before Halloween; it seemed like it might be a year for bumper-crop snow. Everyone drove like assholes or took the bus (or both - thanks bus drivers) and lamented how their car was no doubt going to end up by the time May rolled around.

Then it was 70 for about 3 weeks solid. In November. Cries of climate change rang through the halls and everyone wondered where the snow was, rending clothes and tearing at hair at the thought of how little snowpack was to be found in the usual neck-deep mountains.

Today? Today it snowed exactly one inch. This apparently was enough to freak everyone out, to cause accidents and elicit sobs of "oh god Winter AGAIN!".

We are never happy, are we!

Thankfully this year I get to take the bus (at least the asshole driver in that case is effective, and I can just sit back and watch). Daughter has taken up driving, and though she doesn't care for snow driving (or night driving, or highway driving, or driving in rain) she'll do it anyway since it's a quick trip to the bus stop and school. Besides, our side of town doesn't get as much snow as the other side does, and even that side is nothing compared to Boulder. The mountains make for strange weather layers.

Long story short...

It snowed today. Just in time for Christmas! Hopefully it will stick around a little bit.

Or it might be sunny and 60 by Sunday.

One never knows around here.

Happy Wednesday!

Great Ideas

You know I have the best ideas for blogs when I'm on the bus.

Driving along, looking out the window, listening to ponderous music... there are deep thoughts.

Unfortunately I don't remember them later. It's too bad there's not some sort of mental uplink app, though on second thought it's really a very good thing there isn't or you would hear some really weird shit.

Like the idea that the Pink Floyd song "Learning to Fly" was a psychic connection to TR when I was 10 and he was 15. I was weirdly obsessed with that song and never knew why, then learned much later in life that he was learning to fly. Is this a real thing? Obviously not (well you never know) but these are the things that go through my head.

It's like a mental version of the "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" books. We've explored this before (I was going to start a band and thought better of it), the way my mind works.

I'll start thinking of love at first site, for example, and begin considering the first moments with the few boys and men I've loved (or thought I loved) in my life. Like August, who looked just like the very young and unknown Christian Bale in Empire of the Sun, and who was the first boy ever to be casually cruel to my heartstrings. Like PJ, who stole my heart with his smarts but turned out to be a very confusing person in general, and who caused me much distress. Like Carlos, who I never really knew at all but who I will always love just a tiny bit. Like Greg, who was the first to truly, deeply break my heart.

Then I'll start thinking about the one I actually married, who I never even liked very much. I don't regret him though because of The Kid. She was why I was with him.

And now, in my twilight years (no not really though sometimes it feels like it) I seem to have finally found that one dude who I can I honestly say I know well enough to love. And I do love him, not in a girly fluffy way (though he still has the power to give me butterflies) but in a real, lasting, trust-based, enduring way.

Also he's pretty hot.

Especially in a tux.

I love being a grownup sometimes. Sometimes I hate it, like when I feel helpless even though I'm supposed to be an adult, or broke even though I'm practically 40, but sometimes I love it.

I'm going to be an excellently badass old lady.

In My Mind And Yours

Sometimes you stumble across something that so perfectly fits, that so flows with and not against you, that you can't help but want to share and say "Look! Look what I found!" - even though you know that people might look at you funny.

Yesterday whilst perusing The Bloggess's site I came upon her post about Amanda Palmer (she of the fabulous eyebrows and even better husband) and a song which she referred to as something that helped her, and others with anxiety.

Here's the thing, y'all. I'm really really anxious. Pretty much all the time. I worry about everything, all the time - that I'll do the wrong thing, that I've already done the wrong thing, that I'll forget something, that I'm sick, that I'm not sick enough to feel sick, whatever. I worry.

I still look for things that have been lost.

I still hope each day that I'll get it right.

That's why I wrote my little missive. I'm tired of feeling like that, yet I can't get past it easily. I wonder who will be disappointed in me even as I'm saying "Fuck em' if they don't like it." I worry that I'll lose what's meaningful to me even as I'm saying "It's just stuff/they can take me or leave me."

I know I'm not alone in this, but it can be so overwhelming sometimes.

Anyway, this is not a "poor me" post in any way - I'm actually feeling really good today despite beating myself up over my failed attempt at daily blogging and making the cookies I meant to make last night.

This post is, instead, to share with you this wonderful song, which I'm almost certain Amanda Palmer wrote about me. And you. And everyone. The fact that it does not in any way say "oh everything's okay now forevermore," but rather says "I'm who I want to be, but am I? And who is that anyway? But like she says at the end... "Fuck Yes! I'm exactly who I want to be!" It perfectly illustrates the round and round that can happen inside our messed up little heads. Maybe she didn't quite mean it that way, maybe for her she really reached a conclusion and stuck with it (she is Amanda Fucking Palmer after all), but that's how I grabbed it.

Those "fuck yes" moments make it all okay for a little while. And that's better than never ever.

In my mind
In a future five years from now
I'm one hundred and twenty pounds
And I never get hung over
Because I will be the picture of discipline
Never minding what state I'm in
And I will be someone I admire
And it's funny how I imagined
That I would be that person now
But it does not seem to have happened
Maybe I've just forgotten how to see
That I am not exactly the person that I thought I'd be

And in my mind
In the faraway here and now
I've become in control somehow
And I never lose my wallet
Because I will be the picture of of discipline
Never fucking up anything
And I'll be a good defensive driver
And it's funny how I imagined
That I would be that person now
But it does not seem to have happened
Maybe I've just forgotten how to see
That I'll never be the person that I thought I'd be

And in my mind
When I'm old I am beautiful
Planting tulips and vegetables
Which I will mindfully watch over
Not like me now
I'm so busy with everything
That I don't look at anything
But I'm sure I'll look when I am older
And it's funny how I imagined
That I could be that person now
But that's not what I want
But that's what I wanted
And I'd be giving up somehow
How strange to see
That I don't wanna be the person that I want to be

And in my mind
I imagine so many things
Things that aren't really happening
And when they put me in the ground
I'll start pounding the lid
Saying I haven't finished yet
I still have a tattoo to get
That says I'm living in the moment
And it's funny how I imagined
That I could win this, win this fight
But maybe it isn't all that funny
That I've been fighting all my life
But maybe I have to think it's funny
If I wanna live before I die
And maybe it's funniest of all
To think I'll die before I actually see
That I am exactly the person that I want to be

Fuck yes
I am exactly the person that I want to be

Fantastic Friday

It's been a long week, and I've been meaning to blog, but... you know how it goes. I'm not beating myself up about it. Why? Because today is Fabulous Friday! Today it's all about me and my accomplishments and my self-affirmation or whatever.

Today I finished my semester, which seemed unending. It really feels like I started reading Beowulf about a year ago, like it was actually part of another course, but no - that was just a really really long course. It feels like I was stressing about doing the moon/constellation observations for much longer than I did, but no - it was just about 3 weeks ago that I finished and turned in the last of them.

I think that making my final decision to stop after my 4 Year 2 Year Degree is finished opened a wormhole somewhere. I'm okay with it.

And I still have a 4.0, so go me!

Thus Endeth Fabulous Friday.

It was a busy week finishing up, and I had great ideas for blogs but forgot them, all but one - a navel-gazing discussion of all the awesome things about waiting at a remote bus stop alone at 7AM. Being able to sing along with your iPod was in the top 5.

This weekend is The Kid's next-to-last Madrigal Dinner performance at her school. Madri-what you ask? They really do it up right, with all the kids in costume and the cafeteria totally transformed. It's like the ultimate school play/choir/orchestra/band performance. One of the things that sticks out for me is that they make/pass out Wassail, a traditional mulled drink. It's delicious, but the question is...

Is it pronounced Wahs-ale? Or is it Wahs-uhl? It's a mystery for the ages.

Thus Endeth The Blathering

(Oh, British Literature.)

I'll just leave this in closing; if you haven't seen The Avengers yet, well... what are you waiting for??

Kraft Krazy: The Return

Man the last week of the month is a killer.But now we begin anew! Or something.

So since I missed my Friday Self-Affirmation Fest - and I just know you were dying to read it - in brief, last week I managed to do the following:

• Write one paper and start another which is nearly fully formed.
• Managed to get all of my work done with a smile, and on time, without rushing.
• Ace an Astronomy quiz with a minimum of open-booking.
• Help someone improve their day.
• Help someone move.
• Make a scarf.
• Finish the crowns for Madrigal.
• Paint a picture

Go me! And the semester is almost done, so that's just something extra. I'm trying not to think about the THREE classes I'll be doing next semester, but I feel a lot less stressed knowing that I'm really and truly looking at light at the end of the tunnel.

As the last three on my list up there might indicate, the Kraft Krazy is at last returning. I am trying to have an extravagant Christmas on a shoestring budget as always, and having the first scarf done before December 3rd even dawned has really given a boost to my thinking I can maybe pull it off! Don't burst my bubble. I'm just so glad to be crafting again that I'm not even stressing about it. It seems so silly when written, so first-world-problems, but it's my outlet and one of the things I love to do the most.

Yesterday I got to indulge the painting part of that Kraft Krazy by going to Whimsy Paint-and-Sip in beautiful downtown Erie, CO. Thanks to a Groupon, The Kid's step-grandmother took a few of her daughters and some girlfriends to this fun outing. If you haven't been to one of these places yet, the premise is that everyone in attendance paints the same painting with an experienced artist guiding the way with techniques and suggestions. Add a bar and it's a good time! I managed to down a healthy dose of Stranahan's and Coke before starting, which may be why I was less OCD than normal.

I had fun playing with acrylics, but the flowers not so much. We were encouraged to put our own spin on things and explore color - you can see the big difference between mine and their example! It's not necessarily better or worse, just different, which made it fun and relaxing - no competition.

 

Mine and Theirs

Some of their selections are really not my taste (overly whimsical animal scenes and the like), but there are definitely a couple I'd like to try in the future!

If there's a paint-and-sip type place near you, I highly encourage you to try it out. We had a woman with us who had literally never picked up a brush, and hers came out beautifully.