Monday, May 14, 2012


Yeah I've been gone so long I don't even know how to use Blogger anymore. Awesome.

Just checking in to say the last 6 months have been insanity deluxe; school... work... The Kid's school work... I don't even remember what we did for Christmas really, other than a week in Nashville which was mostly fantastic except for that small nervous breakdown I appeared to have on the way home. Luckily I'm really good at internalizing! I love Nashville, by the way...what an amazing place!

Upon return I discovered Pintrest; it's like blogging for lazy people. PERFECT! For example, the trip to Nashville? Well it *could* have been an exhausting rundown, but instead it's a steam-of-consciousness picture page. I love it!

So let's see, what else.

I'm coming up on 3 years now with TR, which is amazing and life changing. I was just telling someone the other day how truly grateful I am for him, and our time so far (mayitbeneverendingamen). I've grown as a person, which is a total cliche but in this case entirely true. I started out unsure of myself; he's been patient while I figured it out. I've run the gamut of feeling like it was going to end any minute to - thankfully - a place of trust that he's not going anywhere. I feel safe with him in a way I've never felt in my life; I trust him in a way I've only ever trusted one other - The Kid.

Just recently he had a bit of surgery, nothing serious but it's been nerve-wracking for both of us. I want to be there all the time but I still have to care for my own house and life, but more than that it's just been such a long process. I have a new-found respect for those who have to deal with extended illness - it's fucking exhausting for both the sick person and the people caring for the sick. Thankfully there's now light at the end of the tunnel (knock wood) and by this weekend he should be feeling a LOT better, and I'm looking forward to that not just because I'm so exhausted but because it's so soul-scorching to watch this strong man be laid so low. Of course I never would have chosen to not be there. I wouldn't want him to keep me at arm's length again to spare me the pain,which is why I hid most of what I was feeling about it and simply tried to be buoyant for him.

The Kid is doing pretty well; the aches and pains are still kicking around and still undiagnosed. I don't know what to do for them really. We've been to all the proper doctors, but so far nothing has come up. Her jaw, her back, her hips and ankles and feet - everything hurts. She's a trooper, never complaining much, but I'm frustrated at the lack of medical assistance. She has another doctor's appointment soon - she's really too old for a pediatrician anymore at 16 but it's the way it is; hopefully she can help us this time, otherwise it's acupuncture time.

The Kid is now looking at colleges, too, which makes me feel proud and old and excited and terrified. I know she'll do fine; letting her take control of her own high school work has gotten her nothing but A's so I don't think I need to worry. I don't know how we'll pay for it yet but we'll figure it out; as my friend Nova puts it, loans should be gotten if possible, and used until you get to a place you can finish up and be able to afford the payment, and don't worry about the totals even while you work for scholarships and Federal aid. "Think of it as buying a house in the Hamptons you'll never visit." Well said.

As for my own schooling, I'm plugging along, still with a 4.0 average but it's undergrad work so I'm not bragging. I'm partway to my very own house in the Hamptons myself with about 7K in loans. I'm planning on dialing back the loans next year, but I'm not really worrying about it much. I just want to get it done. I still question whether or not it makes sense to continue past my four-year 2-year degree but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. As it stands I love the classes even when I don't LOVE my classes; I love learning new things and having a steady stream of things to do.

I'm taking the summer off, though, I think - I might take one class (we'll see how the money pans out) but I might just hang out until Fall. It'll give me time to craft/crochet/knit, something I do very rarely these days...

If anyone's reading, happy Spring and I hope this finds you well! This is mostly for me now, which is probably as it should be.

/brain dump complete

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